George M. Johnson Unveils New Memoir, ‘And If I Die Before I Wake’

Author George M. Johnson Discusses Vulnerability and Resilience in New Memoir

In a compelling appearance on the Velshi Banned Book Club, acclaimed author George M. Johnson unveiled the cover of their highly anticipated new memoir, And If I Die Before I Wake, set for release in November. This latest work promises to continue the deeply personal narrative Johnson began in their bestselling memoir, All Boys Aren’t Blue, delving into the complexities of adulthood, societal challenges, and the enduring power of self-discovery.

A Continued Journey of Truth and Vulnerability

Johnson, a foundational member of the Velshi Banned Book Club, expressed excitement about sharing the next chapter of their life with readers. “The rest of the story needs to be told and it now will be soon,” Johnson stated, highlighting the memoir’s role in picking up where All Boys Aren’t Blue left off. The new book is described as a contemporary examination of America, the Trump administration, and the pervasive influence of internet culture, while simultaneously serving as a profound meditation on courage, community, confronting crises, and love.

“I will always have a relationship with every version of myself that I’ve been. The inner child, the teen who was lost, the wild young adult, the depressed 30-year-old and more. You never just get rid of them. Despite the many deaths we will go through in life, each version learns something that makes it possible for me to be who I am today.”

This sentiment underscores the memoir’s central theme: the continuous evolution of self and the integration of past experiences. Johnson emphasized that not telling these stories would be a denial of their purpose. The two memoirs, All Boys Aren’t Blue and And If I Die Before I Wake, are designed to work in tandem, illustrating how the past shapes but does not define an individual. Johnson’s characteristic frankness and generosity with their truth are evident as they touch upon significant life events, including an HIV diagnosis, struggles with alcoholism, and confronting mortality.

Navigating Identity and Societal Resistance

The conversation also addressed the challenges Johnson has faced, particularly the book bans targeting All Boys Aren’t Blue. Johnson spoke passionately about the importance of providing a “roadmap” for young people, especially marginalized youth, who may be navigating similar experiences without guidance. “Walking this life without any guidance sometimes can be really, really hard, especially when you’re a young black queer kid and you don’t really have, you know, visibility or representation anywhere,” Johnson explained. They countered the argument that such representation might lead to unwanted identification, stating, “I’ve read books with a lot of heterosexual characters and it never made me want to become heterosexual. So, the reverse is not going to happen when students read books about queer characters.”

Johnson firmly believes that queer identities and experiences are inherently normal and have always been part of human history. The resistance often stems from discomfort with confronting the truth of these experiences, particularly when fictional portrayals are replaced with stark reality. “When I’m writing about the truth, you have to reflect to see how you may have harmed someone, how you may have done the thing that I’m talking about to another human being. And a lot of people don’t like for that mirror to be pulled into their face,” Johnson articulated.

The Universal Power of Storytelling

Addressing an audience that may not share their direct experiences but is drawn to the work due to its controversial nature, Johnson asserted the universality of their writing. “All of my books are universal,” they stated. Johnson views books as “windows, mirrors, and sliding glass doors,” where the latter allows readers to step into the lives and worlds of others, fostering empathy and understanding. Johnson shared anecdotes of meeting individuals for the first time who held preconceived, often negative, notions about Black queer people, only to have those narratives dismantled through personal interaction.

“As I look back over my life and I think things over, I can truly say that I’ve been blessed. I have a testimony. Today is a special one.”

The memoir delves into profound vulnerability, including an HIV diagnosis and alcoholism. Johnson acknowledged the difficulty of such self-reflection but highlighted the life-saving impact of their work. “I understand that my vulnerability helps people and that my vulnerability saves lives and that’s what the work that I’m purposely supposed to be doing,” Johnson shared, recounting a poignant story of a reader who was contemplating suicide but was dissuaded after receiving a supportive message from Johnson.

The Meaning Behind the Title and Broader Implications

The title, And If I Die Before I Wake, is derived from a prayer Johnson’s grandmother or mother taught them. It reflects a sense of peace and acceptance of life’s uncertainties, acknowledging that “the stories are in the world so I’m okay, like I’m at peace with whatever happens.” Johnson connected this to the often dangerous and fraught nature of being an artist in contemporary society, referencing Toni Morrison’s assertion that art and being an artist is “bloody and it’s dangerous.” The experience of being a banned author, Johnson noted, is not inherently safe.

However, Johnson also pointed to a positive, albeit unintended, consequence of the book banning controversies: increased political engagement. “The one thing that might come of this book banning thing that’s good, and that it has brought people in to the political process who otherwise didn’t think about the political process,” Johnson observed. The focus has shifted to local governance, with school boards and library policies becoming central issues that galvanize communities. Johnson cited the example of Bucks County, Pennsylvania, where their book was first banned, and how the school board election there was ultimately decided on the issue of book banning, leading to significant community involvement and a shift in representation.

Looking Ahead

George M. Johnson’s And If I Die Before I Wake promises to be a vital contribution to contemporary literature, offering a candid look at adult life, resilience, and the ongoing fight for representation and truth. As book bans continue to be a contentious issue, Johnson’s work serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of diverse narratives and the impact of literature in fostering empathy and driving social change. The increased awareness of local politics spurred by these controversies suggests a more engaged and informed citizenry, a testament to the enduring power of storytelling to ignite action.

Source: Velshi Banned Book Club: ‘And If I Die Before I Wake’ by George M. Johnson (YouTube)